Oops!

So it has officially been a week since he left... I went through all day today thinking it was Friday... so almost we aren't there yet! And I guess I should have thought it was extremely odd when I wasn't sitting here crying like usual. This morning while laying in bed debating on whether or not to get up, I thought to myself, 'Well I guess when I didn't cry when he left, and I said to myself that day that I was broken, no my marriage was broken'. I miss him don't get me wrong, and I love him, but I think what I failed to notice was how imperfect his time here had been. While he was here for his 'R&R', we did nothing but fight. So really, his time on the ship would be 'R&R' away from our relationship. So why would I cry over that?We have great moments don't get me wrong, and he can make me laugh harder than anyone I've ever known. But really, it's hard adjusting to him once he is here, and then he has to leave again.

I actually don't know how he is able to do it. When he first started doing these underways, even Noah was a little leery around him for a day or so. But now everything is ok. Now I seem to be the one that has the problem adjusting. Noah and I were taken away from our home that we had known all our lives, and brought up here. I knew this was going to happen and I was excited about it. It was actually about time it happened. So we get up here and my one comfort zone I have, my husband, starts coming and going. So Noah and I have to make a new comfort zone and eventually begin to get used to this new place. I have begun to learn my way around town, and get out quit frequently when he is away.

But when he comes home, he is the stranger, the new guy. Noah and I have a routine. And William coming home messes that up. And I know that upsets him, it upsets me. We have tried to work it out to where he fits in but some where we lose track and Noah gets lost in the process and doesn't get a nap or goes to sleep early or late or whatever. But it's the adjustment that I have a problem with. I'm used to doing things by myself, I'm used to doing whatever I want when I want, I'm used to cooking for one, I'm used to washing clothes for 2 people. Sometimes I even get angry for him coming home. And I know that's not fair, (so why do I do it?) well, plain and simple. It inconveniences me.

Many people have told me before, I'm a princess. On a different note, his e-mails have been short and cold. He says he wants to work on us, he wants to stay and be together. But it's how he is saying it that makes me not believe him. That in itself is upsetting, I keep telling him I have dropped my attitude, and I have and I just want us to move forward. But he can't seem to lose his and get over whatever is making him so upset. Whatever, I think Noah and I are going to take a vacation until the ship comes back. I haven't decided where we are going, but I know I need to go some where and clear my head. I may just set the gps for home and see how far I can get before the ship pulls back into port. Even then I haven't decided if I want to come back here.