Sooo Tired...

So we decided to stay home today and clean and some what organize. Well, the clean thing I am used to, but organizing... William and I still haven't completely merged all our stuff, so we just have piles here and there. Well today we took care of all of it. The piles, and the cleaning. My back hurts, my feet hurt, muscles I didn't even know I had, hurt. All just for Noah's 2nd birthday party. While we were out yesterday we ran into one of William's friends and he invited them over for the party. Which is great... except his kids are allergic to every kind of food possible. So they can't eat the cake, they can't eat whatever we are cooking... But at least they are coming and I'm grateful to  have such good friends.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to start baking the cake and wrapping presents.  Just hope the cake goes well...

Taxes

We all hate paying taxes duh. But if you don't make that magic number per year... well you get money back! And we don't make that magic number so we get money back. And... we got the child dependent care credit... oh man. Since my parents have been claiming Noah I didn't know just what I was missing. My parents were claiming him because we were living with them and blah blah blah long angry story. So, this year was my first time to ever see just how much it was. Oh man, makes us think about having another child! William and I haven't ever received a check that big before. So yesterday when we looked at the bank account we went shopping...

We bought some new XBox stuff that he has actually needed but we couldn't afford. We bought a computer monitor that we needed. And we bought me a new cell phone, the Verizon Droid. I needed a new phone because my other one has been replaced 4 times because it would repeatedly drop a call, had poor service, or even one of the replacements just wouldn't turn on. So I'm hoping to have better luck with this one. We have been watching and reading the reviews on it for the last few months. And today we are going to get Noah's birthday presents and and birthday stuff, along with just groceries. I know we need to slow down on our spending. We actually want to save all this money for a rainy day or even start saving for a house. So I'm hoping this spending spree is almost over. 

How we Met

So I thoughtI would write about this, it always puts a smile on my face. So William and I go back to 5th grade. Apparently he sat behind me in class and fell in love with my HAIR! I had no idea he was even in my class I only remember him coming over to my friend Amber's house and asking if he could play. He said he knew when I was there and was stalking me, but I think he just really wanted to play. The part that I remember is him being in my first period 6th grade science class, Mr. Rogers. I remember walking in and seeing William sitting there with Scott and they would call me by this stupid name they made up... not a nickname a mean name. Then there was 7th grade, he sat close to me in Coach Aguillard's Texas History class. He still picked on me, but according to him I would talk to him too. Like I would come to school some days and just sit down and talk to him like he was my best friend. I don't recall that, I remember hating him for calling me that nasty name. Then I moved in 8th grade and we stayed in touch, I even tried setting him up with a new friend from my high school. It didn't work out, in fact he hated me for it and we lost touch.

So, October 2008, I was a Myspacer back then, and one day out of the blue I got an e-mail. Not just an ordinary 'how you doin', but he was apologizing for how he treated me back then. And we talked until December when he came home on leave. See he was stationed in Okinawa, Japan. So he came home, and we arranged a 'date'. I brought an old friend, Megan, and he brought his friend Harry. I remember that date like it was yesterday. William had just bought his 2009 Dodge Challenger, deep water blue, lol yes I still remember. I had no idea what I challenger was, nor did I know what he looked like, so here comes this hot car and some guy whistling at me asking where the parking was. It took me a minute to realize IT WAS WILLIAM. So we all get inside and the first thing I notice was hot incredibly tall he was. He was always tall in school, but now he was the tallest guy I knew! I am 5'0 he is 6'6... you see the difference? So he decides to sit on a bench so we can talk, and the first thing he says to me is 'Wow you have gotten so beautiful!' And the first thing I notice is his gorgeous green eyes. William has eyes that change colors, they are always this olive color, but when he is telling the truth, or being honest to himself, as I say it, they turn this beautiful shade of green.

So we go on the whole time he is home that month and have like 6 dates. We get to his going away party and we sit down and tell each other we think we love each other. We decided to take the 24 hour plane trip to think about a relationship. I hadn't ever done long distance before and didn't know if I could but at the same time, I had strong feelings for him. So I said my last good bye and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Like harder than when SD left. I cried the whole time I couldn't talk to William, I missed him so much. He makes me laugh more than I have laughed in years. We have the same sarcastic sense of humor, when we get pissed off, we have the same attitude so I can predict his next move and he predicts mine. I knew it was just meant to be. So when he did finally call me, I had tears of joy to hear his voice again and I told him I knew I loved him and we had to be together forever. He knew the same. He said he couldn't sleep on his flight because I was all he could think about. (amazing how I can still remember all this)

So it would be 6 more months before I could touch him again. It would be our wedding. And yes we have our ups and downs, we have only been together for a little over a year, married for 8 months. And we have only been living together for about 4 months now, so we are still getting used to each other. But I wouldn't trade any of this for anything. He absolutely makes me smile and takes such good care of us.

Arguing

So every couple argues. Whether you are married, engaged, or just dating, it's just the human condition, we all have different opinions. I find myself arguing with many of my 'girl' friends. Well, William and I argue... a lot. Not necessarily the big blow outs where it takes 2 days to get over, just the small petty things. I have always been told, it's not what you argue about, it's how you argue. And some one else told me, don't sweat the small stuff. Well, in this house, we always sweat the small stuff. And we have a terrible communication problem. We came home with a guinea pig that neither one of us wanted but didn't say anything about because we didn't want to hurt each other's feelings. The guinea pig conversation at Petco was a lot like, 'Yes William we can get her if you want her.' and William would say, 'No sweetie we can get her if you want her.'... but inside we were secretly wishing he/she would speak up and say 'NO PLEASE DON'T GET THE PIG!!'

So why am I talking about us arguing? Because I'm tired of it. He knows it, I talk to him about it all the time. We together talk about it all the time. We just don't know how to fix it. We don't even know how to fix our communication problem. We walked around the NEX for 2 hours the other day because again, we thought that's what the other person wanted to do. He said he was following me and I said I was following him. I'm too prideful to see a marriage councilor. I don't think we need that much help. But at the same time, I'm scared if we don't, in the long run our marriage will fail. And being a child surrounded by failed marriages... I don't want to be another statistic. And we definatly sweat the small stuff. He and I both get so frustrated over the small stuff. Well, me more than him. I'm a perfectionist, and he... isn't. So if the dishwasher isn't loaded right, or if Noah's clothes don't match... you got it... and he says I over react. Which yes I do. And we occasionally laugh over the argument because most of the time they are stupid and petty and worth laughing over.

The Navy Life

So this has been bothering me for a while. Well since a conversation I had with my grandmother... about 2 weeks ago. We were talking about doing our taxes and she made the comment 'Well I guess since you are military doing your taxes must be easy.' Ummm... well it's the same for us as it is for you, we use the same sites as everyone else, TurboTax and paid the same amount as everyone else. Just because we are military doesn't mean we are special. There are places that do occasionally give us a discount, they aren't even happy when they have to apply the discount. Every once in a while we may get a 'Thank You for serving'. And that is usually directed at him, which YES he does do a lot for the country, but what about me? While he is gone for 6-8 months at a time I'm here, alone, still running the house, paying the bills, taking care of Noah, TRASH, which I absolutely hate. So let's go through exactly what we have as a Navy family.

Housing: We actually pay for housing. Like the general public, before William and I got married I thought housing and the other stuff was free and the military family had it so good. The truth is, we are actually paying for housing every month. Our BAH (Basic Allowance Housing) is based on where we are based. They take it out of our paycheck, right now they are taking out about $1200 for our base housing and utilities. Which don't get me wrong, $1200 is an awesome price for a HOUSE and utilities, but that comes out of our pocket. And utilities, that's only gas, water, and electricity. The others we pay for. Which the others are really just luxury. And base housing, isn't really as safe as it sounds. Since we moved here, there have been protesters outside both gates protesting this base. We live on a Submarine base and these people have it in their heads that we go out and shoot nuclear bombs everytime we go out... crazy right? Well a while back these people cut through 3 barb wire fences and were here illegally and were attacking crew members. So this isn't a safe place. Well take a look at Ft. Knox... not safe.

Insurance: Again, like the general public I thought it was all free. WRONG. Again this is something else they take out of his paycheck. Insurance for him is free, he is the one serving, but for the rest of the family he has to pay. Well, for instance... your spouse get's a job that has health insurance. Usually the company pays for the spouse but then the spouse has to pay for the dependents if they have any. And of course we have to pay for dental insurance. And so far the Doctors I have seen have been ok. But I have heard some bad stories.

The Big Paychecks: Ok, AGAIN, like the general public, I thought that since the military worked for the government they made big bucks. WRONG again. If you actually do the math and we have since we got married because I was just so curious as to what he made an hour, they make ...cents an hour. To make maybe close to minimum wage you have to be an officer. So, if he makes ...cents an hour that means ...$ a day. And yes they do get paid salary, but they also work 6:30 AM to 5:30 PM 5 days a week, except on deployments. On deployments, they get up at 6 AM, get off at 8 PM, or later, and work EVERY DAY. They may get separation pay if they are gone longer than 30 days, but that is a measly $200. So my husband serves his country for DOLLARS a day.

Communication: Ok here's where the different branches differ. Army has Skype and IM and can talk on cell phone every day, but they are also in danger zones. Marines are the same, unless they are on a boat. Air Force, Skype, IM, cell phones, whatever... and you will rarely see them on a boat. Now Navy... we have 2 divisions, submarines and surface. If a spouse is surface like William, he can e-mail every day or even get a call out once in a while. A phone call is like $20 for 60 minutes of talk.  The lines to the phone are usually long and the calls are usually staticy. If a spouse is sub, e-mails are scarce. You may get 3 e-mails once a week. See, the sailors type them up and press send, and then the sub sends them out when they surface. And phone calls are even harder. A sub spouse will probably never get a call because the sub can't stay surfaced for very long... well not long enough to let a group of sailors all call their wives. I'm not giving a pity party just explaining our life.

Yes my husband chose this life, yes I chose this life when I married him. Just tired of people always ASSUMING we have it so easy just because we are the military. Most of the time we are forgotten. I know I am as a spouse.

Sublte Differences

So not that it bothers me, it really doesn't... well ok it does. I knew before I married William that he was a spiritual person. We are both Baptist, the only difference, he likes to go to church, I don't. I was forced as a child to go, and feel like I was forced into a religion. Not that I don't believe, I totally do. God has gotten me things, and even gotten me through things that I wouldn't be able to do on my own. Maybe it was the church I was going to. It was big, politics were often involved, snottiness played a big factor in which class you were in, and how much money you had or didn't have played a HUGE factor in whether or not anyone knew your name. When I was going through my stuff with SD, I started going to a small church with my aunt and her husband and really enjoyed it. Everyone knew your name, and because the income was all the same, money wasn't even discussed. Ok so aside from that, William and I got married and he wants to force me into church again. Now I feel like I did as a child. And William and I come from totally different church backgrounds. I'm used to the traditional, no 'Hallelujah'  screaming, no dancing in the aisles, whatever. He on the other hand... well he is. We occasionally have a tiff over it, but no big deal. I don't care about going to church. I'm not opposed, but I don't want to be forced to go either.

The other night during pillow talk, he mentioned saying his nightly prayer, and he was going to sleep. I pray, not every night. I had no idea he prayed every night. So I asked him what he prayed about. The tone of his voice was one I'm not really familiar with, kinda shaky, unsure of himself. Like maybe he thought I was going to judge him. I would never do that, I just wanted to know what he talked to God about that he couldn't talk to me about.

So William and I have come to a kind of decision. And I will be woman enough to admit, while I did go to church as a child, I didn't pay attention much. And while I will admit I am a Baptist now, I still don't know much. And my husband will admit he knows everything. So, he has a few guys on his ship that he is friends with, one guy that is on his crew in particular that is Mormon. Apparently the cool thing around here is to be Mormon, there are a lot of them around here. So William has talked to this one guy a lot about it, and apparently they worship a lot like I like. And William brought up one day on our way home from Wal Mart going to their church. While it would satisfy his needs in going to church, I feel I would betray my beliefs and I know I would betray my grandmother who is so damn Baptist she crucifies any other belief that walks through her door. I have really been thinking about the Mormon thing though. I know William really wants to start going to church again and I don't want Noah to grow up not knowing God. While I may hate my grandmother for forcing me to go to church, without her doing it, I wouldn't have gone. 

Losers

It's no secret that Noah isn't William's son... do the math. William and I have been married 8 months and Noah is turning 2. Ok so with that said I bring in the past. I will call him sperm donor, or SD for short. So SD and I were together for 4 years, engaged actually. We met in Cosmetology class of all places, my Junior year of high school, his Senior year. Of course I thought he was my soul mate, my 'everything'. HA! My Senior year I was suddenly diagnosed with epilepsy and I do mean suddenly... I hit the floor of one of my classes with a seizure. SD helped me through it. My first 2 years of my 'disease' were brutal. There was no way we could have a wedding. So we put it off until I was better. So 2 years, 2 moves, and 2 dogs... and still no wedding. We are in our 3rd year of our relationship, my epilepsy is much better, and I bring up the wedding. We decided on a date, turns out his family isn't going to show up because they didn't like me. I didn't like them either (long story don't get me started). So again, we cancel that wedding. The house we were living in, we had a room mate, the room mate moved out, and SD and I celebrate... you got it... alcohol was involved.  I knew immediately Noah was conceived.  Just this feeling I had. I was happy, SD, not so much. A couple weeks later when I was officially late and took a pregnancy test and all 3 came out positive, his reaction was to put on his work boots and go to work. He never said a word, he just looked at me, put on his boots and walked out the door. From then on everything was different. I suspected he had a girlfriend, but as long as I had food, a house, and some money, I was ok. I KNOW we were both really unhappy with the relationship, but were too comfortable to leave it. He changed things when he cheated and I changed things when I started looking outside too. He stayed with us for 2 months of the pregnancy. He worked nights at the county jail. He came home from work one morning and started packing a bag. I asked him where he was going and he said he was moving to his mom's house. We argued for about an hour. My Dad even called him to stress to him the situation. Nothing worked, not that I care now.

 So fast forward to the day Noah was born... I didn't talk to SD the whole time I was pregnant, he didn't care. So I called him the day Noah was born, thought maybe he would like to know. Turns out I was wrong, he was at the beach with his wife... yup... WIFE. His grandparents own a cabin down there and they had gone for the weekend whatever. So I called his cell and he answered and he told me he wasn't coming to the hospital because he didn't think Noah was his son and I needed to leave him alone. Luckily I had already filed for child support and they were already in action. So for the next 8 months of Noah's life I fought and fought with SD for child support and finally it came down to, 'he isn't my son I want a DNA test'. So, we did a DNA test. And if you have ever done a DNA test, it is the most degrading thing I have ever had to do in my life. I felt so low,  so nasty, so white trash. Fast forward 2 months, the results come back, and guess what, Noah is SD's son. Who would have thought? He is then ordered to pay child support, pay the cost of the DNA test, and pay the back child support. Well he doesn't agree to anything and wants to go to court.

Fast forward 2 more months and we go to court. While at court, I'm forced to agree to supervised visits and then let this maniac take my child every other weekend, and then forced to agree to a measly $150 a month in child support with what would ultimately be NO health insurance.   If you add up all of the supervised visits he did, they would add up to 2 of the 4 he was supposed to attend. So around Noah's 1st birthday I called him and asked if he was going to come, and he tells me he never wants to see Noah again. At first I was upset, then after I calmed down I realized this was a good thing. Then William and I got married and William expressed that he wanted to adopt Noah. So we began that process. SD up to that point was rarely paying child support, not seeing Noah, and never called me to see how Noah was doing. Well, SD had a problem with the way the papers were worded, he refused to sign them. And for 3 days he made my life a living hell. My Dad and I took the papers to 3 different lawyers who said the papers were fine that SD was being an ass and he really just doesn't want to sign the papers.

Well, fast forward a month, William comes home to the states for good and we are moving up here. Does SD know... nope. It states in the child support papers that I can't leave our home county... well too late. I tried to get it changed, I informed everyone, the judge that handled our case, the child support people of Texas, anyone that ever touched our case, and no one ever said anything. So I left. So why explain ALL that? Because last night I saw a picture of him with his daughter... and he was happy. Yes he has a new daughter, they named her after HIS MOTHER. So let's do some more math. She was a few months premature, she was born October of 2008, supposed to be December... the gestation period for a baby is 9 months... go back 9 months... she was conceived in March, Noah was born in March. Have you put 2 and 2 together yet? His wife is a VERY jealous woman. When they would come over for supervised visits he wasn't allowed to go anywhere without her. Change Noah's diaper, the bathroom, the kitchen, anywhere. Ok so back to why I'm upset. How can he just forget about Noah like he did? My child support comes on a debit card, and I check it often because occasionally he does pay it. He recently changed jobs so I had an increase in my child support up to $250 a month, he pays $100 every 2 weeks. I commend him on paying, there are total losers out there that don't pay at all, but it took a court order to get him to pay. And no we don't need his money, in fact it sits on that card, I have over $1000 built up for a rainy day. It's Noah's money why would I use it? He just pawned off his son on another man, and has no responsibilities to him. He occasionally contributes money to him but other than that he has forgotten him. I fear for Noah's future pain. I shield Noah from everything. But this is one thing that I can't keep him from. His real father walked out on him and wants nothing to do with him. Yes he has a new Daddy that loves him very very much, but when you are 14 or maybe even 10, you don't care about that. I just hope we are doing the right thing. I did everything I could to get SD involved in Noah's life. He just didn't care.